Author Archives: troll

Wine Making

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For some time now I’ve been a member of an excellent wine club called 4 Seasons that costs me around $750 per year and adds loads of interesting varieties of wine to my wine rack. Each shipment is a case of 12 bottles of wine that includes 2 bottles each of 3 types of white and 3 types of red. They are shipped to me one per season, which is slightly misleading since there are actually 5 seasons in a year through this club. Spring, Summer, Autumn, Holiday, and Winter. Thus, with pretty simple math we can figure out that my wine club is 60 bottles a year at roughly $12.50 a bottle.

Several friends of mine enjoy the hobby of making beer or wine at home. This fact got me seriously thinking. Even as a guy that doesn’t care for beer I have to admit that it sounds like fun. I can imagine an infinite variety of beer types since most of the rules of beer fly out the window when you take control of the entire process. I tend to enjoy activities that are slower but the output is of a finer quality. Beer making and bonsai are prime candidates.

I repeat for good measure that I’m not a beer guy, and also that I am a wine guy. Since you can make both beer and wine at home (with a pretty seriously overlapping list of required equipment for those that are considering it) and I like wine, I saw the direction I wanted to go. After a couple of days of research into prices and lists of equipment I finally felt ready to take the plunge into another new hobby.

Like all hobbies this one has a pretty steep initial purchase curve, but unlike many hobbies, it has the potential to save obscene amounts of money in the long run. My initial purchase of things from my local beer and wine hobby store called Brew & Wine Hobby clocked in at right around $340. That purchase however will produce around 60 bottles of wine. Although I will need a few more bottles and corks when I get to the 2nd kit’s completion, those will only cost me right around $36. So the same math as before leads to the conclusion that for the patient and the passionate the price per bottle is a mere $6.27 and that number continues to drop with each kit I make. With the equipment I now own taken out of the picture, a kit of wine tends to produce 30 bottles at anywhere from around $2.25 to $5.00 per bottle.

The best part is I can now cancel my wine club and that within barely more than 2 shipments from my wine club I will have paid off my purchases. The second best part is the ability to make wines that I would never be able to afford or could afford but have a hard time accepting the price. Beyond that there is control and flexibility in what I make. If I find a kit I like, but have an idea about how it might be better, I can tweak to my heart’s content.

Crabapple Office Plant

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As I sit here at work taking in the views provided by my cubicle, I glance over at the lone source of greenery on my desk.  A very young crabapple tree in a pot.  It arrived in a bag from the Arbor Day Foundation, sat ignored in a bucket of water for way longer than it should have, and somehow managed to survive long enough for me to feel guilty about it and buy a pot to put it in.  A cheap and simple glazed pot that fits the drab decor of my cubicle, a short drive to work, and hopeful watering combined to produce what is now a somewhat healthy looking tree in a pot.

Now before you let your mind wander to images of ancient bonsai trees the likes of which can be found in Mr. Miyagi’s quaint little shop, let me assure you that a two year old tree in a pot looks nothing like that.  It’s gangly, almost 30″ tall and thanks to a sad life in a bucket of water, quite lopsided.  The hope is of course to reduce it in height over the next few years, but for now I’m just happy that it survived being planted after being soggy for so long.

The specific species of crabapple of this potted tree is Malus Sargenti or Sargent Crabapple.  If it ever actually manages to produce fruit from the limited nutrients provided by the miracle gro potting soil in the pot, they will almost look normal on a bonsai thanks to the relatively small size of crabapples.  For the bonsai purists out there taking notes, yes, I am fully aware that miracle gro potting soil is both the opposite of desirable for a bonsai and potentially harmful if not managed properly.  I chose it in an attempt to inspire the tree to take proper root (due to it’s young age) and to provide enough energy to hopefully end up with branches that are lower on the tree so I can reduce it in height effectively.

Storm Doors

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Unless you’ve ever had to actually install a storm door, you probably think of them as the fun extra door that gets in the way when you are getting a new couch or refrigerator delivered and that they are just standard issue house “stuff.” I now find myself as a member of the group that has had to install a storm door. Few things you could ever install onto/into your house seem like they could be easier. In reality, few things could be farther from the truth than that assumption.

My original concept of what the process would involve closely imitated the storm door displays in Home Depot. Wonderfully ready to go screen door in a box that need only be lined up in the hole and screwed in place. This concept was promptly dashed as I opened the box of my very own storm door to install and discovered exactly how many pieces it came in and that it had its own 12-step program.

Storm doors, you see, are designed to fit an impressive number of possible doorways. Ones that aren’t quite straight, ones that are wider in some places than others, ones that aren’t any standard width, ones where the hinge-side and latch-side are interchangeable, and so on. To allow for such flexibility in design, the number of tools needed to install one climbs dramatically, and the number of parts of the door that are ready to go out of the box are reduced to almost zero. Once you are ready to start be sure you know where your closest hardware store is, you’ll need it. Repeatedly.

In my case, I discovered a very real need for a hacksaw, a trip to the store to buy screws that failed to be included in the package, tons of measuring with a tape measure, some more measuring with a ruler, a collection of screw driver bits, drill bits, and even a center punch. Diagrams in the instruction book were designed to be understood by the common idiot, with a PhD in Physics and twin masters in Geometry and Spacial Reasoning. Things that sound simple like “To identify which side is the top, you just do this” actually take a keen sense of logical analysis and a dictionary to figure out the reference point names they use.

When all was said and (sorta) done, my screen door is only partially attached and is carefully attached to the railing of my porch with string to prevent being battered by wind. It’s not what I would call “installed.” The project will have to continue after acquiring more screws that match the aesthetics of the doorway and door.

The next day I finished installing the door and all it’s various bits, but I’m almost 100% convinced that I did something wrong. Despite having read each step of the directions no fewer than 5 times and trying my absolute best to fully understand what I was about to do, before I did anything I would regret, I fully believe I’ve installed the storm door incorrectly. I question whether or not it can be corrected without massive amounts of work and also whether my front door is designed to take the storm door I got.

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