Duke Nukem Forever makes me very very sad. \u00a0I almost decided to stop this review right there. \u00a0I don’t want to sound like a mean guy, or someone that’s negative about everything or anything like that. \u00a0Well, I may not have much of a choice on this one. \u00a0Like the rest of you, I waited for the game for twelve long years. \u00a0I saw the screen shots teasing its\u00a0existence\u00a0ten years ago, I saw the fake videos, I got hopes up and dashed over and over as the company behind the game squandered their money. \u00a0I had high hopes for a game that would let me escape my geeky life for a few hours to be a crass, womanizing, muscle head.<\/p>\n
Well, let’s just say my experience hasn’t been quite up to my expectations. \u00a0I paid big money for the uber version of the game that came with man cave accessories. \u00a0I installed it the day it finally showed up on my door step. \u00a0I let Steam do its little patch, and I fired it up like an excited school kid popping Super Mario Bros. into his 8-bit Nintendo… \u00a0And it locked up.<\/p>\n
So I rebooted my computer, double checked my video driver version was up to date, fired it up again… \u00a0And it locked up. \u00a0This was starting to make me feel as though I had just dropped $90 on a game I couldn’t even play. \u00a0I decided perhaps there was another patch to come in from Steam and I wandered off for a couple hours to see if anything else would come in, but nothing did. \u00a0I started the game and somehow it didn’t lock up. \u00a0I even managed to get my character out of the bathroom where you start. \u00a0I watched my computer show me frame rate drops that would make you blush considering the hardware I have. \u00a0Then it locked up, again.<\/p>\n
By now I had figured out a theory. \u00a0I went into a special driver program and forced the GPU fan to 100% full-time. \u00a0This time when I started it, it kept on running. \u00a0Why it overheated my GPU is beyond me considering nothing else I’ve ever thrown at it had any problems. \u00a0I played it for about three hours straight. \u00a0During that time, I got about ten cut scenes, I saw the same three sections of the same area twice, I died over and over again as I found my weapons to have almost no power against aliens or pig cops, and I eventually got bored and stopped playing it.<\/p>\n
I haven’t played it again since. \u00a0I’d love to claim this review is based on having experienced the whole game, or at least most of it, but I can’t claim that. \u00a0The game was hard to play, had no nudity in the portion I played, and the manliest thing that happened was peeing in a urinal. \u00a0Overall, I really just didn’t have a lot of fun with it and I’d be a bit surprised if I played it again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Duke Nukem Forever makes me very very sad. \u00a0I almost decided to stop this review right there. \u00a0I don’t want to sound like a mean guy, or someone that’s negative about everything or anything like that. \u00a0Well, I may not have much of a choice on this one. \u00a0Like the rest of you, I waited for the game for twelve<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=102"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":104,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions\/104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.trollserver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}